Before

In my opinion to maintain a meaningful friendship both parties have to first care for each other in a way that makes them want to still be connected. They also have to have an understanding of each other. Relating back to Konnikovas work on how endorphins from touch also affects a friendship. Most of my friendships uphold components of being physical with like 90 percent of my friendships having some physical aspect whether it’s small as holding pinky to big as hugs.

After

In my opinion to cultivate a meaningful friendship both parties must first care for each other through some sort of connection. For example, my friend Emily and I connect through are roles within our family. We sort of the glue for the family helps keep things run smoothly and can help ease the tension in the house at times. We are able to connect off that and then as we continue to nurture and grow with one another we form new bonds and connections over other things such as our gymnastic instructor job. In Konnikova work she also mentions how endorphins from touch also impacts us quoting Dunbar on how we ” Underestimate how important touch is” when we connect with people in a physical way it allows for us to have a better understanding. Most of my friendships uphold components of being physical with like 90 percent of my friendships having some physical aspect whether it’s small as holding pinky to big as hugs.

Specific improvements I made in the paragraph was including more personal examples to give the reader something to go off, so they have an idea of what I as the author has a view on my own friendship. I also included a more specific quote from the article compared to my first draft where I didn’t add a quote and just reference the essay in word where there was no back up. From adding my revisions, its lengthened my paragraph by like half its size. I feel as including the quotes and example it is able to keep the reader more engaged since their able to connect with what I’m saying.